Who am I? Hah, I wish I knew. I’m still trying to find the answer to that question. Just as we discussed with “The Social Me” reading I think I act differently with other people. I don’t believe it’s because I want to be accepted by them I think it just happens. Some of my friends think I’m funny while others would say I’m more serious. Some think I’m innocent, others would disagree. I would say that none of them are right, but I don’t blame them for thinking that of me. I think I, like many people, have two lives. I have my social life, which is how everyone sees me, then I have a whole other life that I live when I’m alone. My social life includes everyone, family, friends, acquaintances, and teachers. My other life is just me. I don’t know why that’s how it is, but it is what it is. My closest friends know there is a whole other side of me, but they’ve come to accept they won’t see that. I suppose it’s just part of my wall. I tend to live with my guard up, to me that’s just the safest way to get by.
I’d say I was caring, but sometimes it’s best to act like you couldn’t care less. I’d like to say I’m smart, but sometimes I can be unmotivated. I act strong, but in reality I tend to let people get the best of me. When I’m alone I’m never full, but when I’m with people I’m never hungry. I guess I’m just not satisfied with who I am so I let people think I am the opposite of the person I am, a person who strives to be something so much more than I could ever be. I never cry, but that doesn’t mean I’m never upset. I always have a smile on my face, but that doesn’t mean I’m always happy. I can be a loud person, but I rarely speak up.
Melinda is very silent because she wants to blend in, but she’s got a secret that would make her stand out. Through out the novel she never got close to anyone because she was too scared to. Because she couldn’t speak up she lost all of her friends. Rachel had been her best friend for a long time and now they hated each other. Through out the book we see Rachel, or “Rachelle” try to define herself with the foreign students. Her clothes are different and she wears her make up different. She even acts different. Scenes like her mouthing “I hate you” to Melinda shows how their changes have allowed for both of them to go their own ways. One girl that tries to get closed to Melinda would be Heather, but that doesn’t work. Heather did anything and everything she could to fit in and changed everything about herself. She is a good example of how people try to define themselves by what they wear and do. For example, the group she wanted to join was the Marthas and they had to coordinate clothes and they volunteered for everything. Heather changed her whole appearance and her hobbies just to try to fit in. Laurie Halse Anderson does a good job at showing how each of Melinda’s old friends have changed in order to fit into a certain crowd.
